Before moving to Maryville the first time around, back in 1988, there was a brief respite between jobs for a trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina and down the coast to Charleston and Beaufort, S.C., and Savannah, Ga.

We had become familiar with the Outer Banks, especially Cape Hatteras and Okracoke Island, when I was fortunate enough to spend two years of military service at beautiful Fort Bragg, N.C. I will never complain about fulfilling my two-year obligation. I think I was one of only a very few eligible young men ever drafted from my home county, something I never really understood — or maybe I did; the draft board lady was our next-door neighbor when I was a teenager.

It was, shall we say, a maturing experience as I toiled away in the Headquarters Detachment of the Special Warfare School operated by the XVIII Airborne Corps’ 7th Special Forces Group. I was assigned to the Psychological Warfare School staff and when classes weren’t in session, I worked in the public information office at the 7th. I was on hand when President John Kennedy flew in to make the green beret the “official” headgear of Special Forces units. I coached a Little League baseball team for two seasons and an undefeated Pop Warner football team in my off-duty hours.

I was privileged to spend several extra months defending our nation when the United States moved to the brink of war with the USSR over their placement of nuclear missiles in Cuba, delaying my scheduled return to civilian life. It was, however, generally a good time that resulted in several friendships that endure to this day.

But I digress. Between the time I was notified of the extension in my tour of duty and the beginning of the next classes, we took a trip to Hatteras and the Outer Banks and fell in love with the solitude of the then-basically undisturbed wild seashore. That initial trip spawned returns for a family vacation, a 25th anniversary gift trip from the kids, and the quick detour when moving to Maryville.

Driving down the coast to Charleston, one of America’s truly quaint cities, we happened into Ben Silver’s, a not-so-auspicious-from-the-outside clothing store that took me completely by surprise. A nattily dressed guy, maybe a little older than I, greeted us and asked our hometown.

“I’m in the process of moving to Maryville, Mo., to be the publisher of the daily newspaper there,” I said. He thought for a minute and then said confidently: “Maryville, Mo.; Northwest Missouri State University; green and white, right?”

And that was the beginning of my albeit now long-distance relationship with the proprietor and provider of frequent catalogs touting the latest fashions from Ben Silver. “Classic style has always been our business …,” according to the cover of the Early Summer 2008 edition. During that first encounter, I became the proud owner of a green blazer that I thought appropriate for someone moving to Maryville (Northwest Missouri, green and white, right?) and I have subsequently splurged on a couple of ties.

But for the most part, Ben is way out of my league, if not in style, certainly in price. Quoting from the latest 108-page offering in brilliant process color, “Sophisticated Suiting, handsomely accessorized …” is easily within your reach. The basic “wonderful suit in the finest gabardine …” goes for an “affordable” $1,265. Complimenting shirting begins at $225 a pop, and the suggested neckwear comes for only $110 to $120 more. Pocket squares are extra at $45.

I hope you get the idea here. “Look, but don’t touch.”

“Classic glen plaid Irish linen jackets” go for only $895; trousers are another $215, and up.

The “silk and linen blazer, “… elegance in warm weather,” begins at $975, but there is a more affordable model at just $765. Is your style “leather tipped braces?” A variety of brilliant colors are available for $110, “you pick ’em.”

Combinations of blazer buttons and cuff links start at $180 for 24KT gold plate, and go up from there.

White bucks for us, guys? You bet, for a cool $510, the same price as most of Ben’s footwear, but it’s all English or Italian, you know. Socks? Sure. $32 a pair.

“Classic style for the modern woman … of refined taste and elegant style” is also featured in this salute to excess. Suits start around $845; pure Irish linen blouses, $185, and a green crocodile print leather handbag at $475 top off the outfit, accented by a $1,175 double strand topaz necklace.

And it goes on and on. After all, there has to be an outlet for the profits from all that $8 corn and those $15 beans, and what could be more practical than to outfit yourself in that kind of wardrobe?

This is all pretty much tongue-in-cheek, in case you hadn’t figured that out, but Ben Silver is a real catalog and from how frequently I receive updates, there must be a goodly number of well-heeled customers out there.

Me. I’m just like a kid in a candy store with every new issue. There just aren’t any “penny suckers” that I’ve found yet.