Things i think i think

my wife and i are expecting our sixth child in early october...and we are thrilled.

since i am all about value and public service. and since this is not our first rodeo, i thought i might offer you six things to avoid saying to us...or any couple expecting a child.

1. you know how that happens, right?
uh, yes. yes we do. but thank you for your implied willingness to share with us about the birds and the bees. you just happen to be 9 years and 6 babies too late.

2. do you guys want to be exactly like the duggars.
exactly like them...except with 13 less kids.

3. did i ever tell you about my friend's labor that lasted 36 hours?
no, but please do. you have 36 seconds.

4. so, was it planned?
actually, it was. see, first i went out and bought some flowers. and then i made the bed with some satin sheets. i bought our favorite wine and then we...oh, is this getting uncomfortable for you? am i being inappropriate?

5. how many kids are you going for?
a million. do you think we'll make it?

6. when is that baby going to pop out?
oh, believe me...there will be no popping. unless it's my wife popping your nose.