August 2013 has taught me a lot of things. I'd like to share them. I turned 30 early in the month, and I don't feel a day over 12. Much thanks to Botox, Teddy Grahams and Kool-aid. This list is not all-encompassing.
Apparently there is some heavy stuff going on in Syria. Not really sure what though, it's been hard to find legit coverage in the news. By the way, that's a country that 90 percent of our population could not find on a map.
What's a map you ask? It's a large piece of paper that represents an area of land and shows cities, roads, physical features, geographical borders, etc. It's not just an app on your phone or a website. They fold up neatly and fit in your glovebox or pocket.
Sorry I got off track there. Back to it. I'm not exactly sure what "twerking" is, but I guess some people are really bad at it. And it's not ok to do on television.
A related note - they still have award shows for music videos. I was not aware of that.
Actually, I didn't even know that "artists" still made music videos. I thought that channel was delegated to drunk people who just yell at each other for an hour a week.
I also learned that you don't realize how little you know about something until you try and teach it to someone else. Having the general idea of a thing and knowing how it all fits together means nothing.
You can be a good poker player, but explaining the game to someone who knows nothing more about it, other than the fact it exists, is a completely different story.
I think I need to be less focused. That may sound crazy. I try too hard to focus on too many things and they all end up getting less of an effort than they deserve.
That's not a "take time to smell the roses" statement, it's more of a "don't walk past so many rose bushes" kind of thing.
This might also explain why I'm not up to date on "twerking" and other pop culture events.
Many will groan at this one - I'm so thankful that summer stuck around for awhile.
Remember how nice a fan feels at 95 degrees when we have a temp of 5 degrees with a 35 mph wind this winter.
The balance of Northwest Missouri weather is awesome. Though I do gripe about winters, I get through knowing that in a few months I'll be able to cook my morning eggs on the sidewalk.
The other camp can sweat out the summer knowing that they'll soon be shivering like crazy as they scrape an inch of ice off their windshield, run inside with numb hands and wait 30 minutes for the car to warm up before heading to work.
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August also brings football season. Enough said.
The boy is in first grade now. Haven't quite figured out how he's maturing so fast. If I learned the things I should be learning at the rate he does, I'd be a genius. He either gets it from his mom or it's something in his cereal.
I watched the cat sniffing a chair leg for a few minutes the other day.
At the exact instant I thought about how weird the cat is, I remembered a funny post I saw online and realized that I had just spent those minutes watching a cat smell a chair leg. Who is the weird one now?
I've eaten more hot dogs and chili dogs this summer than I have in the last 10 years combined. Not sure why, "dog days" of summer I guess (pun intended).
Jesse Murphy is managing editor at the Maryville Daily Forum. He can be reached at